Back, More English!

I’ve been thinking about how I want to write this post, how I want to convert the thoughts and conversations I’ve already had about it into something coherent, and I’ve ultimately decided that less is more. Those thoughts and conversations were coherent enough for me when I had them, and they can be coherent enough for me now.

The following is an unedited text conversation I had with my mom about two-thirds of the way into my stay in Taiwan, two-thirds of the way into my restricted access to my regular music.

Me:
I keep forgetting how long three months is
It’s a full quarter of a year, ages
Mom:
A full quarter!
Me:
I think one of the things that most put it in perspective for me was my music
Cause I’m doing only Chinese artists while here, right, and by the time I get back home and stop that 5-10% of my music and my artists listened to will be in Chinese
Mom:
That is large.  And crazy.  Are you liking the music?  Are you looking forward to listening to other things?
Me:
Yes and yes
Mom:
Win win!
Me:
It’s been super interesting to start over with a smaller pool, because I end up listening to the same things a lot more and a lot more often, and that definitely changes things
It accelerates the liking process by so much
Like, there’s a definite trend in my rankings that I like people I’ve listened to a while ago a lot more, with particular preference to like my first 50 artists
First 25 even
And so that’s cool to kind of replicate a little
At the same time, I really miss my music. Way more than I thought I would, it kinda started hitting me a week or two ago
Like, this new music is neat, but part of me just wants MY music, you know?
And it’s interesting to notice what music that feels like it is, which artists I find myself eager to listen to in particular
Like, I really want to do a Louis Cole relisten, I’m really excited for that
Which isn’t who I would’ve expected
Mom:
All of this is so interesting.
You have such a unique relationship with music.  Different than any I know.
So you are still doing relistens from non-chinese bands?  Or are your relistens Chinese bands too?
Me:
Relistens are in Chinese too
The only not-in-Chinese really is my birthday playlist and keeping up with new releases
And a couple Louis Cole music videos I’ve rewatched on YouTube the past couple days
Mom:
What is catching your attention with Louis Cole?  Anything specifically?
Me:
I dunno. I think I started feeling pretty quick after my original ranking of him that I’d been wrong, that I’d need to go back and fix it, and that’s kinda just been getting itchier over time
And then Things was on my birthday playlist and that’s just one of my favorite songs ever, and for reasons I can a little bit but not really place
I think it’s mostly a coincidence timing thing of something that was gonna happen anyway, but also exacerbated by not being able to really scratch the itch at all, and not being able to distract myself from the itch with other more minor itches
Mom:
Ha!  Those itches.  They are unsettling. What was your original ranking?  You think it will go higher or lower?
He’s such an interesting fellow.
Me:
It was a low-mid A I think
And it was lower than Knower
Mom:
I gave him a B+!
That is so funny
Me:
I almost definitely think higher, and definitely higher than Knower
Mom:
He was the third artist I listened to on my journey with you.
Knower was a B-
Me:
Oh wow I didn’t realize so early for you
Mom:
I think I’ll keep the there
But like you said – I just liked him more and more.  Enough to fly to Portland!
I would give him a solid A now.  I haven’t listened to any new stuff yet.
Me:
Yeah he’s just got that artist’s gravity, yknow?
Mom:
Yep

(I was right. At time of writing, my main playlist is about 7.4% made up of songs in Chinese. If my count isn’t off (which it might be), about 7.5% of the artists I’ve given full listens to are Chinese language artists (or at least incorporate significant Chinese into their music, it’s not uncommon for Chinese/Taiwanese artists to write songs in or using English).)

This next bit comes from a journal entry I wrote around the same time I had that conversation with my mom.

I wanted to note how much I’ve been missing my music. I don’t mean playing it and practicing, though I do miss that a little. I mean listening, I mean the 6000-odd songs I’ve accumulated into my playlist, the 200-odd artists I’ve assimilated, the I-don’t-know-how-many-hundreds of albums I’ve listened to (probably over 1000 at this point, gotta count). My music. I said I wouldn’t touch it while I’m in Taiwan, that I’d stick with songs in Chinese, and I’ve stayed true to that goal, barring one or two significant exceptions. And I miss my music. When I listened to my birthday playlist I felt such a strong connection to it and to myself and I feel like without my music I’ve lost some of that connection. It grounded me in a way, bigger and stronger than I think I realized. It means a lot to me. It’s mine. In some small sense, it’s me. I’ve put a lot of myself into it, and not having access to it is a blow. It’s not a blow I feel all the time, but when I was reminded of it when I listened to my birthday playlist I could feel the hole that before I hadn’t really noticed.

(this not part of the journal entry, added in for clarity)
I should probably explain what my birthday playlist is, for example. Basically, whenever a song gets stuck in my head and I’m glad for it, whenever I have a favorite song for a time, a Song of the Week or of the month or even of the day or whatever, I add it to a playlist set aside for that year. The past couple years I’ve made it a tradition to listen to that year’s playlist pretty much on repeat on my birthday, and then I start a fresh playlist to add favorite songs to for the next year. I usually add, on average, a little less than two songs per month so it works out pretty well.

Anyway, I think that those excerpts are pretty self explanatory, but I’ll wrap up a little. I’m super happy about the last three months in general. They were a positive experience for me in loads of ways, and one of the things I’m grateful to them for is this experiment with my music listening. It gave me a new appreciation for poetry and lyricism in music and my ability to understand and make meaning from it. It gave me a new appreciation for how music develops differently in different places, even when inspiration is shared back and forth all the time.

Mostly, it gave me a new appreciation for the work I’ve already done and the process I’ve committed myself to. I like it, really quite a lot. I like my music. I like my album a day. I like my steady accumulation of new artists. I like how much time I’ve given to my music, and I like how much my music gives back to me. It gives back more than I realize, sometimes. It’s a part of me, and not just music in general. This music, my music, is a part of me. To use language I’ve established previously, this canon I’m building is my canon in a way that I didn’t fully understand was so important to me until now.

And now I can return fully to form! The artists I added in Taiwan will merge into the rest and the ball will keep rolling. I’m excited.